Page 1693…
Happy Friday…
Can you tell me if the second panel explains adequately what Nastajia sees?
I didn’t want to have to have her “explain it” with dialogue.
Also…
For those interested in helping out with Translations to other languages…
http://forum.thedreamlandchronicles.com/index.php
Thanks and have a wonderful weekend!
Scott
To me, it looks like she’s up higher than she thought.
She learned that line from Alex, I’m sure.
I appears the wing is deteriorating. The question is, can she fly in the nightmare realm?
Unless Alex is suddenly britspeaking? Yeah that doesn’t sound like something he’d say, let alone something she’d pick up.
It looks like she’s noticing the very sharp rocks below…
I have no idea, those wings might be breaking down, the rocks might be scaring…. Can it be that she is seeing the sky down? Clouds and mountains coming through it?
Okay.
I’ll fix it.
She noticed his wings are damaged. He can’t hold them aloft.
I’ll have to add some dialogue in the second panel.
I believe it’s that Shredded wing plus Sharp Rocks will make for a terrible landing.
I think it makes sense as is.
Can’t she still fly?
I don’t mind that she says “bugger,” but to an international audience, isn’t she saying something that wouldn’t exactly be child friendly?
I would change the angle of the shot, so that the wing is in the foreground with Nastaja in the background looking at the shreds of the wing.
Add blood to the wings and maybe a broken section? I certainly didn’t catch it from the dialogue.
Someone just saw Nik
Could that be a shreaded Dragon wing, attached to a very ticked off Red Dragon?
Looks like she’s looking over her shoulder and saw a ripped up wing, explaining why the beast isn’t flying as well as she wanted it to.
Look at the bottom of the second panel there are pieces of the wing that look either like the wing is clear and that is just color on it or that little piece of color is just floating in the air.
I suggest taking some of the strips of his wing and make them flutter around like they really are in tatters. Thing streamers. They don’t stay together like they are still part of a whole unit. They move on their own trailing behind after the movement.
That way you don’t have to add dialogue.
Such language princess! Someone should wash your royal mouth out with a bar of lavender soap!
The problem is that she can’t fly without Alex. It’s his power that allows her to fly. If he’s not there and she doesn’t have her Seraphopolis wings then there’s no way for her to fly on her own.
Yyyyep. Butthumpin.
that’s what I thought
yeah, i would never have got that… I just assumed that the shredded wing is a natural part of the beast.
LOLOLOLOL
I assumed that the shredded wing was part of the natural beast, too. I though she was reacting to the fact that they’re in the middle of nowhere and she has no idea how to get back to Allex. The creature doesn’t seem to be having trouble flying so…didn’t realize there was a problem with that. Maybe if in the first panel there was more of a sense of turbulence or severe inability of the creature to fly?
Only if she’s with Allex, I think.
I really like it as is. The awkward silence in the second panel adds so much to the comment in the third panel. We definitely know she’s falling, and I’m pretty sure we all expected that to happen when she began trying to free herself in mid-air like that. So I wonder how many people would still have been confused if you hadn’t said anything?
By the way, the close-up in that third panel looks awesome! I really like the lighting.
Speaking as a Brit, I REALLY hope the bugger stays.
It. Is. Comedy. Gold.
at least its not bullocks! how pc is using Crap as an epithet these days?
Now I know why I always read out (privately, aloud) Nastajia’s voice in the Queen’s English!
She isn’t saying “b*gger me”, so it seems a bit less sailor-ly, LOL
I really love that she’s saying “bugger.” But then I’m not sure what it means to an international audience? Is it bad? To me it’s such a uncharacteristic sorta almost swear thing for her to say. *hunts on the interwez* From wikipedia “The term is generally not used in the United States, but it is recognized, although inoffensive there. It is also used in Canada more frequently than in the United States but with less stigma than in other parts of the world.” I suppose that means it is offensive in other parts of the world. Huh, learned something new today.
Yeah, I have to admit, since I’ve seen it used as “Bugger off” quite a bit, it does seem a WEE bit out of place, but it’s one of those words that seems very much context based. Just another way of saying “Well….crap.” to me. And I personally gathered from that second panel that she was just looking down and noticing the underlying area. Ya know, kinda barren, kinda rocky, kinda definitely not a very friendly place.
Some small “rip” sound effects might work. (When was the wing damaged? When she leaped on top of the thing? Or is it disintegrating because the other NR beasties are dead?)
I *like* the “Oh, bugger” comment. It would have been even funnier if that were something Alex said a lot when things went wrong, and she’d picked it up without understanding the meaning…
The third panel IS nice.
if she’s in fact falling, shouldn’t her hair be going up like what it does naturally when falling? that would clear this up for me visually without the need of adding more dialogue to explain the situation.
Before you go changing it, will it make better sense with tomorrow’s page?
I did wonder about the shredded wings. I think it would be clearer if the view were shifted a bit over to the left so that the wings are more-or-less centered in the panel. That would make the intent clearer.
I guess she could say “oh bother” ah-la Winnie the Pooh….
Agreed, I like it as. Also, I can’t stop giggling at the idea of Nastajia saying that last line. Too funny. ^_^
Regarding the 2nd panel: I saw the problem right away, personally. When one compares the healthy wing in the corner of the 1st panel to the tattered wing in the 2nd panel, one can see that the 2nd wing is most definitely borked. “Oh bugger” indeed.
Regarding the use of the word “bugger”: If that word is too profane for an international audience, would replacing it with a grawlix be an acceptable option?
It looks like the wing is starting to fray, and she’s really high up.
You don’t need dialogue, I get it.
In the first panel, the wings look smooth and together compared to the previous comic page and following panels. At least to me.
see the problem with “Oh bugger” is that I’m hearing it in Michael Palin’s voice. And that’s not good. maybe something like “Oh Sh…redding wing!” ;-D
To those unsure about the definition of the term ‘bugger’, its definition kinda depends on the usage of the term. The British definition was originally that of the vulgar definition that involved the practice termed after the city of Sodom (think that’s about as clean as I can classify it), however this is used in a verbal context, i.e. to bugger.
In Nastajia’s case, it’s not used as a verbal context, but more as an exclamation, in which case the definition just simply changes to that of a term of annoyance or anger.
If Nastajia was to say ‘You bugger’, that’s being used in a noun context, which also changes the definition to referring someone in a derogatory manner.
Basically what I’m saying is, in this case, it should be absolutely fine to use it in this case. Just don’t let Nastajia say ‘bugger me’ in front of Alex, he might take it the wrong way 🙂
By the way, when I say ‘term of annoyance or anger’, then by that I mean a more acceptable term in place of the ‘f’ word, just as long as you don’t say it in front of anyone old enough or British enough to know the true meaning.
“Bugger”? Now what kind of language is that for an elven princess? =P
About the third panel were Nastajia says “oh bugger.” Imagine some sick minded individual would put a black strip over the word bugger and make it resemble some foul mouthed,censored word instead! 😉 🙂 :O
That’s what I thought.
We don’t ALL definitely know she was falling. I wouldn’t have known that if he hadn’t said anything.
Ah…but there also seems to be a cave down there. Or at least, it sorta *looks* like a cave. Maybe a place to hide out for a bit if she can land in one piece?
Ha! Thank you all!
Regarding “bugger”… I think I heard it from Captain Jack Sparrow.
Being it was a Disney film… I figured “what the heck!”
🙂
I did look it up before using it too. And it seemed to fit what I was going for.
Hopefully it’s not offensive internationally.
As for the ripped wing. I guess we’ll see about Monday’s page. See if it makes more sense.
Thank you and have a wonderful weekend!
Scott
My initial thought was “huh? what?” After I looked it over a bit, I thought maybe she was realizing that Alex and the nightmare creatures that were around him were nowhere to be found, meaning she thought Alex had been taken away too or she had no idea how to find him.
I think having a shot where you can see Nastajia’s face through the holes in the wing is a cool idea. I also second the comment that it’s hard to say for sure it needs to be changed without seeing the next strip and whether that brings clarity.
It seems that she is reacting to the combined situation of shredded wing, high altitude, and sharp rocks of jabby death +5.
Though I would like to think that her somewhat casual response was that she is realizing that she lost a bet. She said that there is a Starbucks on every corner, but apparently they do not have a store in these wastelands yet, so now she owes a centaur 20 Dreambucks. 😀
If you mean translations, that’s what translators are for.
completely agree with kukki. i only read scott’s text because i was hoping for some explanation of what was happening on the page. for all i knew, something she saw on the ground seemed like bad news.
I agree. And zoom in some, too. Making the wing the main focus of the shot should make it clear that is what she notices. A slight “flapping” noise of the unsecured wing would help to emphasize this.
Just so you know, I didn’t know what she was looking at until I came here.
You can see the other wing in the first panel and then immediately compare it to the damaged one in the second. It might help people by making the first panel show the comparison a little more (ie. zoom out to see it more).
A shredded wing could be natural by “style” but not function….
Maybe I just over think these things?
In the bottom panel of the last page, it looks like it’s the left wing is sporting the shred look.
But in the current page, it looks like the left wing is whole and unshredded, while the right wing is shredded.
I think that’s why I was confused and assumed that the shredded part was part of the creature’s style.
To me it was clear that she noticed the shredded wing. But then I also noticed that that same wing wasn’t shredded yet in the first panel. I’m not talking about the left wing of the creature, but the right one we see shredded.
If it’s deteriorating on the spot for some reason it wouldn’t make sense for Nastajia to look down already.
And I just noticed both the creatures wings are damaged already in the last page ;D So perhaps the wrong model was used for that panel?
I think Brian is worried that some people may find the word “bugger” offensive, but I don’t think anyone will be too offended.
I noticed the shredded wing in the second panel. And keeping in mind the previous page and that the nightmare creature wasn’t pulling up, I realized that the shredded look wasn’t natural.
I had figured it was the tattered wings. I don’t know if dialogue is needed more than somehow focusing attention on the tatters.
“Oh bugger – this one’s broken.”
“Oh bugger – I picked the broken one.”
I’m sure you’ll find something even better. Although I agree that a simple “Oh bugger” is certainly more “in character” for Nastajia.
I think it’s more that the ground/rocks are in the center of the panel, so the audience’s eyes are drawn to focus on that area. I agree with “Lurker” – by making the wings the center of the image that might negate the need for more dialogue.
So, I know this is random, but my first glance at the comic and I read “Buther,” not “bugger.” Made me think of Eeyore’s poem in The House at Pooh Corner, and I thought, “Boy, that’s a pretty obscure allusion to literature.” And then I read it right. 🙂 Ha. Silly me.
It took me almost three days to figure out where I had heard/read that line before. I could imagine how it sounded and could hear the voice in my head. But now with this, you have confirmed that I am NOT hearing voices and that I can still recall trivial pieces of information. 😀
You can’t tell that their flight has changed… The wing is calm, she’s calm, her hair isn’t even whipping around.
If the wing just tore, she’s be thrown about and have to grab hold of something. Picture a bucking bronc….whooa!!
I’d recommend making her hair and cape more chaotic in the first frame, with maybe shakey text saying ‘whoooaaaa”
Second frame, make the wing more solid with a tear in a critical place, maybe with a bit of membrane hanging free… his wing would be flapping harder to compensate for the lack of lift… no idea how to represent that.
I do like the ‘oh bugger’ as the only response, but maybe make her hair whip around more.. something to show they’re falling.
Hmmm… the wing problem seemed pretty clear to me, but hey…
Saw the elevation and scanned for people and things. Noticed the wing after I read the bottom panel and went back for another look. This does make me wonder though. Do Nightmare realm creatures disintigrate from a lack of fearful emotions to feed off of?
Rendering today’s page still. Maybe another hour or two.
Sorry.
Remember that “bugger” in British English has certain connotations.
Winston Churchill was purported to have said that the only traditions of the English Navy were “rum, buggery and the lash.”
Translated into American English as rum, sodomy and the lash.
Sorry to be a bugger on this one. The previous panel shows the left wing as shredded, this panel appears to show the right as shredded and the left as normal.
If you meant to convey that the wing has big gaping holes in it, then yeah, I got it. 🙂
Wow…yeah…I, too, didn’t pick up on the “oh…she’s just noticing the state of his wings” thing. I definitely noticed that his wings were crap, and I wondered how that would be keeping them aloft for long, but I figured she’d have noticed that and was perhaps more worried about the sharp pointy ground that was swiftly approaching. :S
Glad you’ll be adding some text there for us…
Nicole’s right. The denizens of Dreamland can only fly with the aid of their human friends…or if they already have wings (i.e. faries). 🙂
I can see where that might be a concern, but I halfway feel like “bugger” has become at least somewhat harmless when used on it’s own (as opposed to how Harry Underwood pointed out it is sometimes used).
Yeah…I had that thought last week…but I just can’t picture Nastjia saying “crap” at all. It’s far too…I dunno…blandly childish? Perhaps that’s just because when American people think of “refined” or “poised” people, we tend to hear British accents in our heads…and we also don’t often insert words and phrases for them that we’re inclined to use ourselves (since we don’t usually think of ourselves as “refined” or “poised”). 🙂
Yeah…I think I’m going to jump on the bandwagon with the folks who are saying that the shredded wing would be more noticeably the problem if it was the focus of that panel. Instead, you have so many things to look at and consider as problems…
…but we’ll see if today’s page clears it up. 🙂 Sometimes the problem with page-a-day updates is that the pages don’t always play out well on their own.
NOW it makes sense! I some how had missed the prior page that sets up this scene!
I’m curious then: if you didn’t already know she was falling, then why do you think she’d be screaming “Pull up!” in the previous page? I’m not doubting your initial perspective; it’s just that I can’t un-see it from mine.
Yeah, I noticed that too.
@ Scott, about the ripped wing, maybe you only need to give the ripped borders a little depth/border accent. So that the wing and the background is more separated then it is now. I had a hard time separating those two at first.
In the grand scheme of things, “bugger” is at least an order of magnitude ruder than “crap”.
Given that it means buttsecks… yeah, it is rather rude.
I’d say, Scott… given your record thus far for using extremely kid-friendly language…. the “bugger” is kinda jarring. If I’d said that word as a kid, my mother would have thrown a fit.
I’ll try to put things in context : Apparently “hell” is treated as rude in america. I’ve seen it censored in Nintendo games AND I’ve heard yanks use euphemisms for it… so clearly not everyone is ok with saying it. Over here though… the only way it could ever be deemed rude is if we’re explicitly told we’re headed there. Kids could say it with reckless abandon even from a young age and at most it would be deemed a little tasteless.
See… on the grand scale between using “pants” as an expletive (yes, it does get used in that context here) and the grand old “see you next tuesday” (the only word that trumps the F-word, somehow)… saying “bugger” falls at least halfway up that scale…. about the same level as “piss”.
Agreed! ¦D