Page 1664…
Hi all!
So… this page was originally written to have Alexander SWARMED by HUNDREDS of beasts who DRAG him down crashing to the ground.
But… as hard as I tried to make it work visually (in the last panel) I just couldn’t do it.
I considered pushing it to another page… but I didn’t feel the payoff was worth another page.
What are your thoughts?
Oh. Also, Phil added some new navigation! Check it out!
It’s amazing. Holy duck with a typewriter this is … gah! Mortal Peril! my favorite! Yay! how are they going to get out of this mess? I simply can’t wait.
I can see how this would be hard to convey. 🙁 Hmmm…maybe if you showed a second close up of their hands immediately after the first one to see that their hands are getting farther apart? If you did it that way I’d actually break up the text to say “But we…” on the first hand-shot and “…are MANY!” on the second hand-shot. *shrugs* Best thing I could come up with in just a few seconds of thought. Not sure how that would work out logistically speaking (with regards to making all of these panels fit on this page)…but it would certainly help get the point across.
I actually like it this way. Showing hundreds of beasts would in my opinion just overwhelm it. The way it is now it clearly shows he is being overwhelmed by an unknown amount of beasts, could be tens, hundreds or even thousands of them. It leaves it up to the interpretation of the reader this way.
In the first and second panels, Alex’s hand looks too relaxed to me. I tried reaching for an item just out of grasp. My wrist was very straight, as were all my fingers and there was a look of tense strain.
I think it reads really well, Scott. I like how they almost reach each other and then both of their expressions change as they realize that the numbers are against them, no matter how strong they are. Worked for me!
I think this should be followed up by a huge double splash page, God-cam view of ginormous dogpile on Alex (with tiny arm sticking out) and smaller swarm dragging Nas away…. just to show how many it took to bring him down.
But that’s me, if I ran the zoo…
NO need to change anything – just hurry up and get them out of this!!
my humble two rupees, i think you should push it to the next half page. one large far off panel showing the giant swarm dragging Alex down and Nastajia being carried off. what you have right now is fine, but if you really want to convey that sense of being absolutely bombarded by all these creatures and his princess is being taken further and further out of his reach, i really would like to see a nice big (not full page) panel showing that.
The “Michelangelo’s Creation of Adam” thing going on with the hands in the second panel amused me tremendously. :p
I’m thinkin’ we’re fixin’ to see a wratih-splosion here. I hope so anyway.
I agree. I think a full panel with a huge swarm of beasts dragging down Alex while Nastajia is carried off could be a nice visual. It would give a good indication of how strong Alex is. It might also make for a more definitive ending of this battle, if that is the direction you are going.
First thing that comes to mind is the Burly Battle from the final Matrix. Start close, pan back (so you can see the pile on with Alex and Staj standing out due to color). Merge the bottom 2 panels if you have to.
If this is followed by a Matrix-esque “wraith-splosion”, you’re all set up visually for that. If not, the disappearance of the different colors tells the story, and you cut to what comes next.
Time to go “Super Saiyan” Alex!
I don’t get any sense of action or threat in this page and the last. It looks like just a bunch of posed characters in a mass. So I think adding more characters might make it seem more threatening, but would not compensate for the lack of movement and ultimately not be worth it.
Can’t wait to see the chimera! Or maybe some unknown persons will rescue the two?!
I take it teleportation isn’t a dreamland power?
This. 🙂
I agree. This would make for a visually stunning scene of emotion for both characters as Nastajia sees Alex being dragged down and Alex watching helplessly as she is being taken away.
Well, maybe Alex can get out of it–all he has to do is wake up. But what’s Nastajia going to do?
Hi Scott, long time fan, first time poster.
I think you should have a full page spread shot next here Scott. This is a very dramatic moment and is critical to the two of them’s relationship. I think maybe one shot of Alexander completely engulfed with nightmare minions would really drive home the situation.
…wait….if you can do ANYTHING in Dreamland, then can’t Alexander make himself invincible? O_o ….or at least breathe fire for the pyromaniac fans?