Page 1035…
Hi all!
Well I don’t know about you…but I’ve been waiting for this day. When Alex gets to “cut loose” on old Nic.
I’m a bit unhappy with the line from Orion.
It’s the right “meaning”…but not the right language.
I think “cue” is a stage term. And I’d really like to come up with something better.
But for the life of me…haven’t.
Any thoughts?
You guys are always so wonderful at helping out. And to be honest…it’s actually kind of fun to involve you all in some of these decisions.
š
So…thoughts?
Perhaps “I believe this is where you are needed” or “I think this is where you step in” would be more effective? I think the line is fine on its own but I figured I should offer some critique.
Maybe something like “I believe that it is your turn” or “Now is your time to act, Alexander” or perhaps a simple “Well, what have I spent all this time teaching to fly for? Move it, human!”
Never actually commented before, as I tend to be a generally shy web presence…
Maybe he could just say “Alex, would you?” (or just “Alex”) with an insinuating facial expression. Change it to one eyebrow raised or something.
They are all players on the stage though, so cue works for me. Though the whole spontaneous, reckless attack seems off to me, at least in so far as it boils down to training so hard and then an impromptu and seemingly totally lacking in any strategy assault. I am only saying this though because I would think Orion would be a voice of reason; definitely calls into question his skills as a mentor when his best plan is, “Nas! Shoot the thing! Alex! Attack directly!”
All I can say is, Alex, aim for the small thermal exhaust port right below the main port!
Yes, that was star wars and a cloaca joke, I must be stopped.
“I believe this is the moment we’ve been waiting for, Alex”
or
“It’s now or never, Alex!”
oh wow… Alex’s expression actually scared me ^^;;
Hmm, sorry not much help for the dialogue… I think it’s fine as is. The only thing I can think of is similar to Regina’s idea, except I was thinking just a simple “Now” or something. But I think it gives different emphasis. The one you have now is more encouraging and “don’t worry, go be awesome.” Regina’s version is more “well?? what you waiting for?”. My version is more commanding, like Orion was reigning him in and now he lets him go. Both Regina and my version I think have more of a “Orion is still Alex’s teacher reminding/commanding him to go.” Whereas your version is more “Alex, you’ve graduated. Now go be awesome with my blessings.”
Just my feeling… to be honest, I don’t have GREAT evidence to back up what I just said ^^;
I like Regina’s idea.
Just “Alex”, with a gesture, or a raised eyebrow.
Woah, I love the drama and intensity of this chapter. Go Alex go!
Maybe a chess reference? “Alex, I believe it’s your move.”
Knight to D1? Check? Am I thinking too far into this?
“Now, son. Strike while the iron is hot.”
Yeah, either: Your move my son. or
Alex, you know what must be done could work.
or even “Go on, my son.”
The cue thing isn’t bad though IMO because it’s using Earth slang and is cute because it shows off what both have learned from each other.
“Dare to dream?”
I would have with the Ambassador Kosh route and have Orion say:
“Now”
How about “This is the moment you’ve been training for, son” or “Geico can save you $420 per year over Prudential.”
Actually, I think Orion’s quote is in line with his character. I don’t mind it as is.
He who reaps the wind, son… ?
He has dealt with a child with a toy, and a boy flailing for his life.. Shall we introduce him to the man holding his destruction??
As a married man.. I could not let you step over her words son…
It fears nothing. It thinks you helpless. Are you?
This is a land of stories. Begin yours NOW…
Your lady has spoken, Sir Knight.. Will you respond with boasts, or…
He has done it. He has declared himself invulnerable.. all you must do now is prove him wrong..
To sleep… perchance to…?
Warriors must sometimes let the politicians play first…
Alex… USE THE FORC… (sorry.. )
There is a time for wise words.. and a time for Steel. You know which time this is…
Alex.. Deeds … not words…
To quote Lion King – “It is time”.
I must admit that that second panel makes Alex look evil… AWESOME (^.^)
I believe it is in keeping with his character for Orion to be brief. So I have two thoughts.
In reference to his earlier statement for Alex to be patient: “Alex, the time for patience is over.”
Or, more simply: “Now, Alex.”
“Now, Alex.” works too
“Your turn, Alex” or, like Shane above points out: “now, Alex”
short and crispy. “I believe” isn’t something a guy like Orion utters – in my opinion. He is no weakling.
I think the best line here will be “it’s where you start ‘kicking in’ ” it took alex so long since his last fight, it’s must be someting with double meaning
“Remember, Alexander… think happy thoughts.”
Grin.
BOOM!
…
Well. Maybe not. I’ll come up with something serious eventually, I swear!
“I believe that your signal, son.”
“I think you have the answer for that” or “care to answer the nice dragon?”
The second pannel is pure and concentrated epic win.
This is the time he just so happens to wake up, and all is ruined! š
I think Orion’s line fits well, and it plays with the fourth wall a little. I’m sure there are other ways to say it, but honestly, why fix what isn’t broken? It might not be the word that YOU meant to say, but it might be the word that your audience understands best.
Lots of good suggestions already offered, but if you want to keep the line intact but for
“cue” what about “opening” “I believe this/that is your opening” shouldn’t be inconsistent. Also it’s got that double meaning with an opening in battle/ enemy revealing a weakness.
Other possibilities might include “signal” or “mark”
Is it only me, or that sexy archive button is new?
And btw, wonder what would happen if Alex wokes up now…
Scott, how about: “I believe that was your herald’s call, son.”
Given Orions role so far, it seems completely in character for him to be more aware of the human world than the average Dreamlander. An occasional hint of that awareness in his language is fine
I dunno, I like the way “It is time” sounds, like Aquila said.
But yeah, the second panel there may possibly be the best of your panels I’ve ever seen.
I like the variation off Aquila and jmkool’s statement. Something like, “NOW it’s time, son.” Also, the second panel is sheer awesomeness embodied in 3-D graphics. Love it.
http://img692.imageshack.us/img692/6538/dreamlandu.jpg
In my opinion doesn’t yet make sense that Orion has been holding Alex back from fighting, and suddenly tells him to attack… nothing appears to have changed.
Did Natasha need a clear shot first?
Not sure I’m following Orion’s strategy here. However, if all he was doing was waiting for the right time for Alex to attack, then the single word “Now” is all the encouragement needed. And Orion strikes me as a man (centaur) who does not mince words.
Just how fast is he going to make sonic booms?
I like the suggestion of simply saying “Alex” with an insistent look. It fits the tense situation, it fits Orion’s character…sometimes less is more š
“Ready, Alex?”
How about.. “Alex, go show him what you’ve learned..”
To bring it back to the last chapter maybe, “Man up, Alex.”
Other suggestions include, “Oh no he didn’t!” or “You know what to do, son.”
hm. I thought “cue” was perfect, actually
Iām thinking more like Rafikiās āIt is time.ā =P
Or, āRemember your training.ā
I agree on the “now or never”, it’s got the right feeling in it for the moment,
Oh and I forgot to mention that the “cue” works really good too, but IF you change it I feel like it should be short like “now or never”.
Not as much evil as “Finally! I’ve had it with him boasting”
Works really well. š
I don’t have a problem with ‘cue’, though the way it is phrased is too nonchalant – it does not reflect the gravity of the situation. Orion needs to say something reactive and forceful, but still inspiring or encouraging to Alex.
This whole scene sees the party taken by surprise so a little more emotion is not uncalled for. Why does Orion think now is appropriate when only a few panels earlier he stops Alex from doing the same thing? Is it purely because of the opportunity? Does he expect Alex to win or is it more hope? Is this simply the first of many battles? I’m assuming he has a lot of confidence in Alex but knows that the odds are against him. All of this should affect what he says and how he says it.
Sahanan’s suggestion of “Now is your time to act, Alexander” seems appropriate, though it does not have the urgency I think is needed. Perhaps two sentences are needed: the first as a reaction/signal to act and the second as encouragement or instructive? For example, “*Now,* Alex! The future of Dreamland depends on this moment!”; “Go now! Meet your destiny!”; “Alex! Now is the time!”; “Alex! While he is distracted!”.
I like “Now is your time to act, Alexander.” It has the right tone for Orion.
Now is the time, Alex.
Time to take the bait son.
One of the two will work well with what Orion have said before. (For those too lasy to check the archives, it’s Patience, and he is bating you.)
A bit late now with all these other suggestions up, but I was thinking “Destiny calls, Alexander” Unless you think it’s too cliche?
how about “and This Your Game.” >.> yah random but it was the best i could come up with ~_~ everyone beat me to the goood ones….but then again, the orginial line works too cause if you think about it. for a while ol’ nick has been a “puppeteer” of sorts, puting on the illusions of being the actual king. :3 so going along with that thought. it still works. TIME FOR TEH PLAY TO STRIKE BACK NIC….hyper.now…blah…
actually just thought this. and i dont think anyone else suggested it, how about orion telling alex, “Fly!” :3 it makes sense in my head
I believe you’re all forgetting yesterday’s comic, wherein Nicodemus says, and I quote, “Verily, and who shall prevent me from killing each and every Dreamlander who disobeys me?”
Orion was just waiting for the right moment to “cue” Alex’s dramatic entrance, so I think the line is perfect as is. Yes, he was just telling Alex to be patient, but you just can’t refuse a straight line like that.
If you are worried that he doesn’t sound like an ancient, wizened sage, it’s because he’s had hundreds of years of kids visiting Aethos to learn stage lingo. There’s no reason he can’t be “hip to the times”. (to put it in a markedly un-hip way…)
BTW, Panel 2 is just Awesome. Love that little smirk.
Or shazam, or up up and away…
Hey Scott,
I hear, “I can’t imagine a better invitation.”
Or in the theme of the book. “I couldn’t dream of a better invitation.”
“your turn”
so spake nicodemus, so enters alexander.
“cut and rip Alex” (arrr)
Orion is a man of few words and deep gravity. I think a simple, Alex! Now! would convey what you’re trying to say and fit the scenario.
Absolutely fantastic job on panel 2! The expression and lighting is perfect. Well done! I also had a chuckle at the sonic boom Alex leaves behind as he heads out towards Nic.
“see if you can find any weak scales Alex”
Orion: “Go. Move. Now. Any more ways you want me to say ‘get moving?'”
Alex: “I am IRON MAN!” *boom* “Oh crap the sound barrier…I didn’t know Dreamland had one of those…”
Nastajia: “Alex, you idiot, Nicodemus is THAT WAY!!!”
“FLY INTO THE…DANGER ZONE!”
In an answer to the question that Nic has just posed: “Verily, and who shall prevent me from Killing each and every Dreamlander who disobeys me?” Orion should say:
“you, my son”
When It’s in book form it will flow real nice. nice, short, and in Orion’s Character. Just my 2 cents.
“That’s your destiny, son. And it’s not calling… it’s bellowing.”
Guess I’ll toss mine on with the rest. *hehe* As always, great reading, Scott!
I like “It’s time”. Straight to the point with less dialogue to take away from the action. And i must say, I love the expression on Alex’s face in the second panel
I agree with Lazerwulf. It is a good answer to yesterday’s Nick assertment.
I ‘d like to let it that way, no reason to change it.
And, I put myself in the queue to congratulate with you for that wonderful expression in the second panel š
dang ! ASSERTION, not assertment. Pardon me, I’m not english mother tongue
Actually, if people have been visiting dreamland for centuries, then why couldn’t stage terms have been brought down into the vocabulary? Even among native americans today, there are people who become involved with the performing arts. Their children, the ones most likely to visit the centaurs in Dreamland, would know stage terms. And in a world where rock giants are dance instructors and pixies are interior designers, who’s to say that there isn’t a centaur actor somewhere out there?
And while the term originated on the stage, it has since been absorbed into the common parlance. If you say “That’s your cue”, everyone knows what you mean, even if they’ve never been on the stage before.
However, if you are looking to change it, I’d go with something simple. There are times for grand turns of phrase, but Orion always struck me as being wise enough to use simple words when the time called for them.
yiehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
let’s fight!
It’s kind of weird when Alex just flies up and goes “BOOM” Anyway I like the ” Alex” thing like Regina said.
“Now, son. Protect her.”
This panel bugs me because during the course of this entire monologue, Orion previously stopped Alexander from acting twice. So without proper explanation, Orion’s decision in this panel seems arbitrary and random, diminishing the profound impact on Alexander’s “cue.” Why the difference this time?
After some thinking, I believe I understand the answer: motivation. The first two times, Alexander would have acted in anger against Nic, but that would not have been sufficient determination to fully control his dream state. But now that Nic has dropped the subtlety and directly threatened the lives of everyone there, including Nastajia, Alexander’s mental approach will be much more focused on one goal: protect his princess. Given Orion’s recent “training” and the fact that Alexander takes off flying at the end of this panel, I think this is the explanation that fits.
I think a simple “NOW, son.” would work best.
LOL!
I love that!
“Alex, you’ve graduated. Now go be awesome…with my blessings.”
š
Nice
I like those!
Sweet and simple.
I agree with “It’s your move…”, but would Orion say “son” (don’t think so)
“Alex” (my choice) or “human”?
I like these.
I actually considered that…ha ha.
“Remember your happy thoughts, Alex”
Another good possibility.
Hey, Scott, you’re doing a great job with this chapter š It’s refreshing to see so much action!
Could I offer a suggestion for the bookmark? Could you make it a “transparent” background or whatnot? Right now it’s got a blocky background and obsures the beautiful rock structure and vine detail at the top. Of course, it could just be my browser? I’m viewing in IE
Ha! Yeah! I like!
Hey Scott, I noticed that the eye on the sword is open now. Is that always the case?
It would have been nice to have a panel with it opening.
“Yet I believe that your time has come, son!”
?
Wow.
I woke up (at 7am) to almost 100 replies already.
You guys are the best!
I couldn’t reply to ALL of them. But they’re all wonderful. Thank you so much!
As to some of you who asked why NOW did Orion let Alex go?
Good question.
It was a few things…
1) If the dragon wants to monologue and tell us all of his plans….LET HIM!
2) Once we saw the Amulet. We knew we couldn’t let that remain with Nicodemus. Let the element of surprise allow Nastajia to get the shot off (we already know Nicodemus can catch one of her arrows if he sees it coming).
3) Motivation. Alex works best when he’s found his “happy place”. Which is Nastajia.
Seeing her in danger will give him the most motivation.
4) Story. It was the best time in the story for me to make it happen. The most dramatic point.
š
I like that. And the explanation fits perfectly.
No. It looks like it’s just a reflection.
This.
Saying “Alex, it is time” conveys a lot of meaning.
I love the menacing look on Alex’s face in the 2nd panel. And he’s not just floating around now. Anything that goes boom like that when it launches has some power behind it. Look at him go! Alex is a Dreamland missile.
As to lines, Orion speaks very formally I’ve noticed. How about a variation on Chocobochicken’s offering: “Now, Alexander. Protect her.”
“The squeaky wheel gets the kick!”
“Go for the eyes Boo!”
š
I think its fine the way it is…
How about – “The game’s afoot Watson” ? Just asking .
oh man those eyes are perfect love how the lighting in them works.
but i must insist that you refrain from a sound effect “boom” from him taking off, all i could think was BOOM–HEAD SHOT.as he hits old nic.
but, i think its alright for Orion to say i think this is your cue.to alex
Considering a few strips ago Orion just said “Hold, my son. He’s baiting you.” Like others said, a simple “Now” pairs up best.
There are a number of good suggestions here.
None of them are as good (serious message, somewhat relaxed tone) as, “I believe that is your cue, son.”
(And I even made my first comment just to say that I like it how it is.)
Good story, btw. I have managed to read through the whole thing up to the present in the last week or so.
Not to clutter up the comments section, but I signed up for a Gravatar (as recommended in the form), but it doesn’t show up as my avatar for my comment. What did I do wrong? :o/
“Alex, If you please…” with an outstretched arm and a slightly tilted head showing the way…
The reason I think āI believe that is your cue, son.ā feels a little off to me is that I find it implies that Alex didnāt want to act earlier, and Orion is urging him to stand up and do something. It felt before like Orion thought Alex would need *a lot* more training before fighting Nicodemus. I would rather see a line like, āI wonāt hold you back any longer. Go.ā
I also agree with DarkMyste who doesnāt really like the āBoom!ā Frankly, I think you donāt need it. The graphic says what you want, and at that scale, it detracts. Boom also has an implication of a destruction noise, rather than a take-off noise. If you want something, maybe āWhoom!ā would be better.
“It is time.”
I’d recommend a very succinct message, one that combines Orion’s wisdom with Alexander’s impulsiveness –but Orion knows exactly what Alex needs to hear.
I like it the way it is now, with the ‘that is your cue’…but the show time one is good too.
Or how about, “Whenever you feel like it.”?
After going back to page 1024 where Orion says, “Patience, Alexander.” Nancy and I think a simple “Now, Alexander.” would do quite nicely.
Well, you could go with something simple like “Now, now is the time.” or something a little snarky like “I believe that was an invitation.” I can’t see Orion being snarky though, not at a time like this, but it would get the message across.
The “BOOM” for Alex’s take-off is dramatic but maybe “whoosh” would be better. It kind of gives it a whole superman-launch-to-fight-evil sort of feeling. Of course, it wouldn’t have that cool cape snapping sound with it and I doubt the clanking of the armor would work as well.
I think “cue” works fine, for all the world’s indeed a stage, and we are merely players.
However, a number of other lines could work, including “NOW is the time, Alex.”
But if you’ll excuse a whine, WAAAA! I wanna see Nicodemus’ face NOW, and you’re gonna make me wait until TOMORROW!
I see a wonderful Harryhausen cyclops. Seems to work fine for me.
“Persue your destiny…GO!”
“”Persue your destiny…do what you know to do”
We often worry about which words we use instead of the way we say them, my suggestion is to keep the words, but change how they are said:
“I believe THAT is your cue, Son.”
Why I think this works:
1) I think the line itself works perfectly, it’s a direct response to the gauntlet Nic has just thrown down; and as others have said, ‘cue’ has worked it’s way into laymen’s terms instead of the stage alone.
2) With the emphasis on “that” instead of “cue” (as you currently have it’s) it’s a response to the appropriate timing; before, Orion held Alex back because the timing was not appropriate–he was misreading his cues (so to speak), but now the proper cue has been given. The previous statements of Orion have dealt with timing, not action, thus the emphasis needs to be on the time (that) instead of the action (cue).
3) I think that “now” is a bit too, shall we say ‘American Cowboy,’ and “it is time” will carry baggage over from “The Lion King.” (my own thoughts on the current popular suggestions)
Verily.
š
I agree. “Now is your time to act, Alexander” is PERFECT.
Oh that is pure WIN!
I CANNOT help but hear the theme music to Superman in my head with Alex hurtling up towards Nic in that pose.
Holy cow! I think this page may end up in the running for most comments in Dreamland history!
š
If you want to change it, I could see something like others have suggested, like maybe “It’s time, Alex. Go!”. But I think it’s just about perfect the way it is. As others have pointed out, theater and stage directions have been around a long time, and there’s no reason Dreamland couldn’t have theater productions of its own. (Ha! My warped brain just served me up a mental image of the centaur kids in some kind of Mini-Masquers production … )
Don’t forget to VOTE, everyone! http://topwebcomics.com/vote/4274/default.aspx
Oh, almost forgot: I, too, was iffy on the “Boom!” at first, but I think I’ve decided I like it. It gives his take-off and flight a somewhat different “flavor” than your standard Superman fare, if that makes any sense …
Ha! Your Gravatar just caught my eye on my second pass through the comments. Black Mage in Awesome Mode!
(I just finished my 8 Bit Theater archive binge yesterday … )
Well I read trough all the posts so far and the best I’ve seen is “Alex, it is time” although I would change it a bit to “Alex… It is time”
Why?
1) We all know Alex has been craving to do just this.
2) Orion sure knows that “not the point” stuff isn’t going to have the right effect on Alex.
3) With the pause in that sentence, the right amount of presure is placed on Alex his shoulder. Not to much that it scare him but enough to make him realize that he has to do it here and now as best as he can.
4) No offence but “showtime” or things like that isn’t something that should come out of a wise shaman centaur mouth.
I do love the smile on Alex his face š
“Now, Alexander. Your destiny is at hand.”
I would assume an educated centaur would know something of stage terminology, so he would know “cue”. And it’s used commonly enough in the modern era, as others have said. However, given the situation and that he’s held Alex back twice, if he said the line, I think he’d accent the line differently: “I believe that is your cue, Alex.”
But while not above a dramatic moment (dropping Alex off a cliff), I don’t think Orion generally thinks in terms of staging and presentation. He is much deeper than that. So I don’t see him with that line at this time.
And given the dramatic moment you are creating, and the two pauses beforehand, I think the strongest line, and the best setup, is the simple “Now, Alex.”
Maybe “It’s up to you, son” or “you gotta do something now”
‘Has your hearing dulled or are you waiting for another opportunity?’
I agree with Irish Crow that putting emphasis on “that” instead of “cue” would work best.
or Challenge instead of Opportunity
Good suggestion!
Perhaps a ‘nudge’ or ‘nod’ action is all that is needed. I don’t believe Orion actually needs to say anything.
…and then he wakes up. š
Well, I’ve always been a ‘less is more’ sort when it comes to dramatic scenes; so my take on it is as such: Orion strikes me as a very tough-love father figure, and from those no amount of preaching or suggesting or implying goes quite so far as a simple look and a properly directed ‘Ahem.’ Alex already knows that he’s up to bat on some level, or he should given everything that’s happened up to this point, he just needs (as he has several times before in the comic) to be jostled in the right direction.
I like the idea of using a stage term, too. Especially after Nicodemus has spent the last few pages monologuing. It’s almost perfect, I think, to use a stage term as a kind of taunt of the melodramatic tyrant.
How about CATALYST in place of CUE?
“
I’d half expected Alex to step out into the light and say ‘That would be me’ or something to that effect. This works too š
āNow is your time to act, Alexanderā I like it also.
Or perhaps, “Alex? Now!”
It is pure epic win… but it doesn’t suit Orian’s character well. I like the simple ones, the ones with the meaningful look and a simple word. Perhaps have Orian not saying Alex’s name, but his favorite title of endearment: son.
I still say, “Alex? Now!”
I think this is my favorite page, Scott! Maybe because of the emotional release involved…
Hmm.. so the lead in is…
“Verily! And who shall prevent me from killing each and every Dreamlander who disobeys me?.. Starting with you!”
so….
“A clearer call to battle you shall never know.”
“call-to-battle” could be invitation…. know could be ‘have’, ‘desire’… but ultimately, it’s not an invitation, it’s a challenge, a threat. Considering a dragon is about to try to torch your best girl, I think it fits. š
Personally, I think that “cue” works incredibly well, in large part because it has taken on far more than its original theatrical meaning, which has itself been around for hundreds of years at least. And really, Nico’s line was in fact such a clear cue that I never even questioned Orion saying that, though I could also see the more sardonic “I believe he was referring to YOU, Alexander” coming from him.
Maybe “Let’s see how ready you REALLY are, son”
or maybe “Time to put that training to the test”
Aw, Markward, you beat me to it! I like the simple “Now.”
Honestly, I think the more words you put on the page, the more it detracts from that last panel. Scott, you’re a comics guy. Is there any more impactful panel than a close-up of an angry Wolverine and just a single “SNIKT” coming from off-panel? I see this page, I think it’s about Alex. The more words you add, the more you draw the attention to Orion.
Just the opnion of a recovering comics geek.
this is your moment
this… is your time
this is your time. go!
it’s fun thinking of action statements: all the martial arts movies i’ve watched come to mind!
Even just “Now, Alexander!” would do well.
…aaaand then I read the rest of the comments and see that someone has already suggested that.
I was kind of thinking, since Orion stoppled Alex earlier, that Alex might look at him, say “Now?” and Orion would nod and say, “Now.” Or, “OK. Now.”
Something like that.
I think a chess reference would work well for Orion’s personality. Perhaps something like “Your move, Alex.” or even “The pieces are in place, son. It’s your move.”
unless Orion had a human friend that used that line when he was a… hmmm… wee colt? … seems that a lot of dreamland’s denizens had human friends when growing up.
Scott if you feel it must be changed to make you happier with it…
Remove the “I believe” and put the emphasis on “that”
That is your cue, son.
So many possibilities, so many options, and I love the “evil” grin in the 2nd panel.
My thoughts exactly, Jeremy! A la:
http://img651.imageshack.us/img651/5416/20100225mod.jpg
Am I the only person going to point out that Alex hasn’t put on his helmet? I agree with having it off for the center panel, but in the last one it should have been on or at least in the process of sliding into place. Not doing so only conveys foolhardiness.
If you’re going with the Western motif with Orion, which is the impression I get, you’ll need a line that sounds like it would fit in a Western.
“I think he’s talkin’ to you, son.” Or simply: “Your turn, son.”
OK, so I didn’t read through ALL the comments soIdon’t know if maybe someone already said this, but “Cue” seems right here. It’s like Orion is deliberately stepping out of his own personality into Alex’s for a moment, because it’s an important one.
I personally like it the way it is now. I can just hear the dead pan delivery from Orion, after having told alex to wait so many times.
I think his line needs to be brief and tie back to when he said, “Patience, Alex.”
A simple – “The time for patience has ended, Alex.” Ties the whole scene together.
“Now Alex, don’t hold back!”
“Alex, it’s time for payback”
“Alex, I’m in the mood of dragon sushi and I hate to wait”
I liked the suggestion “your turn, Alex”
These are all excellent points; they’re just not immediately comprehended from reading this panel. I only deduced Reason 3 after contemplating this for 30 minutes. Reason 2 still doesn’t intuitively explain the change of mind in letting Alex charge forward. And I just didn’t see Orion as the kind of person who would act on Reasons 1 and 4. It breaks character from my impression of Orion as the wise, spiritual mentor, and I instead think of Elan from The Order of the Stick.
On the other hand, Orion acting on 1 and 4 could still be explained in future panels. After all, he’s been communicating with Daniel, who would totally milk the story and drama for all its worth like this.Or maybe Orion’s just more aware of how adventures in Dreamland are supposed to flow. In this case, the “cue” is a perfect fit, but clarification should be made to emphasize that THIS cue happening NOW is the one to act upon rather than the two “false positives” Alex tried to respond to earlier. Many of the suggestions posted here will take care of that.
I’m already looking forward to re-reading this panel on a future run-through of the archives. Good work, Scott!
Not sure if you are still reading these, but I think Orion should use the opportunity to tease Alex a little bit more… so:
“What are you waiting for Alex?”
The lighting of the cliff is a bit … odd. At first glance, it looks like Alex is lying against a large rock and banging his fist on it: the precipice is not well-indicated visually. The texture especially looks too close up to be the receding cliff face. I know that the cliff face is probably illuminated by Nic’s fire, but it would be more visually unambiguous if, say, the bottom of the precipice were pitch dark, and there was a gradation upwards as it meets the edge of the cliff. Perhaps make it less reflective, a shade darker (and perhaps even blurred) to cue that it is the distant, receding cliff face and not a surface in the foreground.
P.S. I think Orion’s line would be most effective if it were as curt as possible. Perhaps simply “That is your cue, son.”, or just “Now.” – although the former seems more in line with Orion’s personality.
Okay, I think I’ve changed my mind; I vote for this one!
š
Ooh!
That’s nice!
Oh Splinky.
From someone who named their son Logan…the “Snikt” reference really hits the spot.
š
I love “Now Alexander” or “It’s time”, and “THAT is your cue, son” works too. To throw my own suggestion in the ring though I’d go with “Show him.” After all, Nic did just ask who would stop him. Time for Alex to show him who.
“Time draws nigh, son.”
or
“As Whitman said, ‘Time draws nigh,’ son.”
or simply,
“The time is nigh.”
The character of Orion, as educated as he’s painted, must have heard of Whitman.
Quote Whitman or don’t quote him, either way, it’s a variation that sounds a heck of a lot better than, “Go get ‘im, boy.”
Check out tomorrow’s page.
š
Whew!
Still reading each and every one of these.
Thank you all!
I’ll leave it the way it is for now. And make my decision when I upload tomorrow’s page.
But GREAT suggestions.
I knew I could count on you all!
Thank you.
By the way…TOTALLY right. I should have emphasized THAT instead of CUE.
Thank you.
I love his smirk of determination!!
“I believe it’s that’s your moment, son”
“I believe that’s your hour, son”
If you really want to hold on to the phrase’s structure, son.
(sorry if they were proposed before, time tight etc.)
Like what Adam said, I think a nod would work well there. Alex already seems to be looking back for permission.
However, if you need a bit of text, I do like “cue” but with a different emphasis like many have already said. “I believe that is your cue, son.”
Either way, a bit late to post, but figured I’d give my $.02
Orion could simply say “Go.”
This chapter has barely started and I think this chapter holds the record for Alex being sexy. I think this also shows just how much he has matured. I know timeline wise, it’s been merely hours since Alex’s revelation but it shows promise for the days (months) to come.
I seriously doubt that that is a serious contender for what Orion *will* say, but it is awesome nonetheless.
you know, there are several above that I like. Out of them, “now?” certainly works well for me. though given Orion’s character and thoughtfulness, I kinda like:
Panel 1: “Cometh the hour”
Panel 2: Speech from off panel “Cometh the man”
And then launch. Maybe a bit cliche, but it does somehow fit with the expressions for me.
I do like the “Now?” from Alex with the affirmative “Now.” from Orion. However, how about something along these lines:
“No better time than now.”
“The stage is set…”
“This is it!”
or
“Oh no he didn’t!” (yeah, I know, but I had to put it in.)
Hey Scott,
I want to toss my vote at Alex asking, “Now?”, and Orion saying, “Now.”
My reason is that you have already shown Alex wanting to charge in and being held back. And despite his growth as of late, he still is a bit impulsive and cocky. I think it completely fits his character (and how you set up his expression) to ask Orion if now would be the right moment.
Orion agreeing shows his trust and blessing in Alex to do what he need to do.
Hey, first time I comment (I think), but I’ve been a fan for a while and I’ve reread the whole archive like twice!
I think Orion’s line is fine as it is.
The “Now?” “Now!” dialog is nice, but I’d lose the exclamation point. Orion keeps his cool in all circumstances, and he does not use contractions either (it’s, don’t, etc.)
My suggestions, not to be taken seriously š
– Fly, you fool! (LotR movie reference)
– Now would be a good time, Alex. (any of you recognize the reference? š )
i like “cue”
it sounds more like orion than if he said something else š
I’m sorry, I don’t understand how a creator can spend hours tweaking the lighting and the rigging of the pictures to make them just right…
and then just slap a line of dialog on it that he knows is not right, he’s not happy with, but oh well it’s only the writing, someone else will fix it?
Like those the big budget Hollywood films that spend millions on special effects and almost nothing for the script?
And this seems to be happening more and more frequently. And just at the major turning point of the story, too. No amount of shiny will cover up lazy (or poor) storytelling. And it will just get harder from here.
Sorry, Scott. You’re a nice guy and your comic looks pretty, but I’m done. I don’t often walk out of a story (or a movie) partway through but as a consumer and audience member that’s the only legitimate vote I get. You have thousands of readers who love this story, and more power to you, and then, but for me to stick around is to waste both our time.
Good luck with the project.
Now is your chance!
I thought I had a really good idea, then I saw this one. I vote for this one!!
I agree with you in that it fits, but it’s not something that Orion would actually be familiar with. He’s familiar with Native American culture, not Shakespeare.
Now, that is probably something Orion might know from modern Native American children.
Finally! Stick your blade in and save the maiden!
Kosh? I missed that B5 reference (funny someone should mention that since I’m watching it via Netflix DVDs right now; totally different experience than catching it kind of hodge-podge via TNT as they did re-runs).
Indeed! I do like this, also!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
š
I don’t know, I kinda like, how he says it, after all, Dreamland is a place where Humans come so I’m sure Orion has come across a few kids who know theater terminology. And it’s actually kind of humorous to see Orion get off his “high horse” (pun intended) of intillectualism and tell Alex to go kick some Dragon tail.
Hi Arlene…
Well I’m sorry to see you go.
Just to clarify. I write the script months in advance. I toil over that as well.
But sometimes I just don’t feel comfortable with a line.
I have no editor. I have no “people” other than you readers to ask.
I love the feedback and interaction I get with the website. It’s so fun to see what works and what doesn’t.
You have every right to leave. And thank you for being so polite about it.
But please know I never took the writing for granted.
Had I done so…I would never have mentioned it to you all and just assumed it was “good enough”.
I know I’m no Shakespeare…ha ha. I’m just an artist who’s trying to write an interesting story for his kids and hopefully others to read.
So please know I have no “ego” in this and took no offense to your creative criticism. I think it’s great and hope to see you back here one day. Maybe I’ll improve enough to keep you next time.
Thanks again
Scott
Currently leaning towards this…
http://img651.imageshack.us/img651/5416/20100225mod.jpg
Thanks to Jeremy and Sabaac
“your destiny awaits, Alex”
I agree with the fewer words the better. The facial expressions already tell a lot. Orion strikes me as a man of few words anyway. When Alex looks at Orion he seems to already have the idea in his head that its time to rock. Orion knows this. Perhaps just a simple “Indeed” from Orion. Emboldened with affirmation from his “mentor” he is ready to cut loose.
Also thought a small “Heh” from Alex in the second panel might be appropriate.
This was my first thought. Don’t want to get a long, clunky discussion–the shorter, the better.
Well, having gone through all 188 comments, my first thought abides: Shorter is better; it’s time for action. Let the villains monologue.
I’d go with: Alex, “Now?” and Orion, “Now!”
It’s got my vote
I think a simple, “Alex” would suffice.
I think that the best one would be…
Alex? Make it so.
love the look on alex scott. he looks like a bad a**.
I’d like to keep Orion in teacher mode on this one:
“Alexander, I believe you have an answer to that question, don’t you?”
Nothing like a practical exam after all that instruction.
Good heavens! There’s two of me??? š
Aside from that, “That’s your mark,” might also be confused for a stage direction. As in “hitting one’s mark” for choreography or lighting changes or what have you. On the other hand, I completely agree that the line- as it stands now with “Cue”- works, because Nic HAS been doing a monologue worthy of history’s more over-the-top villains….
Kill it, or Clear my sky. I like many of the others but you asked for suggestions.
Given Orion is holding Alex back in page 1028, I think a simple affirmation that the time is right would be keeping in character, along with some kind of ‘push’ to make sure Alex gets the message (because he hasn’t been shown to be the most perceptive of students in past pages). “Strike now, Alexander!”
I think a good one-liner would be, “I think… it’s time for you to slay Goliath.”
or
“Go Alex, put the Giant in his place.”
Wow, I like this one. I think it shows that Alex has learned and knows it is up to him more then being told what to do.
Let me in Coach… how bad do you want it… j/k
I think the Now? Now? is quite effective.
Or something to the lines of “I believe you know what to do here” as Orion is or atleast the shamanistic type charachters tend to be a bit cryptic.
hahahaha there we go, the sonic BOOM!!!
*Cues the Original Superman Soundtrack*
Would Orion really be unfamiliar with Shakespeare? He seems to be quite familiar with the goings-on of earth in previous chapters, due to the communication with humans by way of the pouch. Not to mention, Shakespeare had a fascination for the fantastical (Mid-summer Night’s Dream, for example, or The Tempest). Anyway, I just thought using the term “cue” fit nicely into the context, but then, I’m not the one writing this brilliant piece of work. š Having something more culturally appropriate to Centaurs would probably work better.
Ok, I really like the original. However, the “Now?” “Now” exchange is succinct and powerful. My vote lies here, if you change the script.
You got me, Iām clicking thru.
Boom monster kill! Ultra kill! God like… lol I forgot all about Unreal announcer thingy till you mentioned it.
Actually I like the boom. Kind of makes me think of super man taking off or something. Helps give the feeling like he is really taking of which urgent speed.
Well, since you’re asking my opinion, how about instead of “I believe that is your CUE, son.” you have him say something that shows how eager he is to put this snake in his place while at the same time showing how confident he is in Alex after all the time they’ve spent together training? Such as: “Time to dance, Alex.” That look Alex has in the following panel goes with that line so well. Much of swordplay is footwork, so it has that layer of meaning also. š
2nd panel: alex puts his game face on >:D
I have to say that, even though it’s slang, “that’s your cue” works. It’s direct and concise. The “son” part is what makes it clunky to me. Of all of the things suggested, aside from “Now!”, that’s what I think works the best.
What “BOOM”ed? Did Alex fart before he started flying or something? ;P
Yup, I like the simple, yet elegant and meaningful way both saying, “now” has. It works well.
Panel 2 is simply awesome of course…
The “boom” was kinda odd… like it should make a different sound or something… I dunno. It’s okay, just seems… like it could be more … something.
The “Now” nailed it. And Alex’s game face is awesome. This is gonna get good… š
now-now is good, buuut..
I’d say: “Orion?” “Go.” would be better. š
though I’m late, but still.
Yup, i think this works better š
I love the new dialog, that nailed it is right. You just need to revise the “comment and ask for advice” text now, so the archives read sanely.
Honestly, I don’t see why you are leaving. Especially over one single line. The line was passable, but Scott decided it wasn’t working quite at 100%. So he asks the people most emotionally able to fix the problem: his readers. This actually shows to me that he cares more for his readers’ opinions than most other author/artists. But, if you feel that you have been so atrociously wronged that you have to leave Dreamland and “grow up” that’s your prerogative. Me? I’m happy that I can still enjoy the wonders that Mr. Sava provides for us 5 days a week.
“Now?” “Now!” Perfect.
Yeah, way better š Love it!
New version is very good.
(maybe change “He’s baiting you.” to “Not yet.” about 8 pages ago, to match..)
Okay, I just have to comment. Using “-Now? -Now.” is a nice touch! It’s interesting how it changes the scene from Orion reminding Alex that it’s go time to Alex anticipating the right time to act. I did like the “cue” line myself (I thought it made Orion sound well-read), but the Now’s work much better! And it makes it a bit more of a heartfelt moment!
I also love Alex’s “Bring it on!” face in the 2nd panel! It’s absolutely perfect! š
Agreed, on all points! I love the fact that this version of the dialog shifts the initiative from Orion to Alex, pointing up Alex’s gain in maturity and insight.
Simple, to the point.
Why have all the fat when a muscly, intent “Now.” will do?
I must admit, seeing the rocks/Paddington in the background, I thought Paddington threw him to give him a “first (rocket) stage advantage”.
Quibbles aside, I love Alex’s faces, especially the last- great job on the expression, lighting (overall, too) and render.
Oh, and speaking of Paddington, would it be Marvel-copyright-suing or ill-fitting to have Paddington say “It’s Clobbering Time!” if he ever loses his pacifistic streak and goes all the Fantastic Four’s Thing/Incredible Hulk/etc on a whole slew of nightmare baddies.
“Boom” doesn’t quite fit for me – made me think of the sound rock giants make when they do anything.
I hadn’t checked this comic since Monday, and was halfway through the comments before I realized the dialog had already been changed. I couldn’t quite understand why everyone was suggesting that the line be changed to “Now.” when that was what it already said…
Perhaps an annotation is in order? To spare future archive-bingers confusion?
I must say that this page is one of the best so far! I love the colors and lighting, and the dialog works really well! Oh, and the suggestions here in the comments are hilarious!(Well, the ones that are meant to be, anyway XP)
To be honest, I think some of the serious suggestions are pretty funny too, but in the interest of community harmony I think I’ll refrain from saying which ones …
š
scott i think you shold have done something along the lines of: orion” go” alex” oh right, it dragon buttkickin time” which would have worked awesomely with the bounding off the ground toward nick
I like the new version. With the dialogue and the look on Alex’s face, I get a sense that he is growing more, here. He’s still young/inexperienced enough to check for a confirmation, but it seems more a “Oh, I get why you held me back, it was for this moment, right?” rather than just passively waiting for Orion to signal his move.
I came in late, but I would have taken this in a different direction. I would have had Alex draw the sword, and have the helmet click into place. At that point, I would have had Orion reach to restrain him, and had Alex demonstrate his growing maturity by saying something like “I know what I need to do, Orion. Trust your teachings.” Then, next panel could show proud acceptance by Orion, followed by Alex launching himself into battle.
But that’s just me š
I like what you have now ( ha ha ‘now’) but maybe you could do something yoda-ish?
I love Alex’s esxpression in the second panel!
The only thing missing (IMO) is the helmet ‘CHK’ing into place as he takes off.