Be my Editor!
Hey all…
So I’m finishing up the final touches on Book Two.
You’ve read 2 chapter so far of it online.
I know there’s a TON of issues with wardrobe malfunctions, grammar, spelling, and the like that I’ve been emailed about over the last months.
I was hoping you guys could take a look back through starting here….
http://thedreamlandchronicles.com/index.php?date=20061109
…and post any thing you find wrong. I’m horrible at editing…and my wife…who usually is my editor…is dealing with our move.
So I just thought an extra set of eyes couldn’t hurt.
Thanks
Scott
On page 379 the last speech bubble form Nastajia the words “eachother” (Line 6)should have a space between them.
On page 386 frame 3, line 5 the word “preceed” is spelt wrong. The correct spelling is precede.
Page 373, April 5, Alex asks, “Where’s my legs?” Legs is a plural subject, so it should be “Where ARE my legs?” Also, I think you may already know about “dissapointed” on page 362. It should be “disappointed.”
P.S. – “Where’s my legs?” happens again on page 374.
Well, yeah… ‘Where’s my legs?’ is actually wrong, but it does sound kind of nice… I think…
I mean, the guy is shocked to find he has a tail and probably has other things on his mind than proper grammar. So I guess it’s your call on that one Scott.
http://thedreamlandchronicles.com/index.php?date=20061211
In panel two, Felicity’s mouth is messed up. Her lips are pursed and her mouth is open. It’s the only visual error that I’ve found in your work.
http://thedreamlandchronicles.com/index.php?date=20061211
On this page, in panel two, Felicity’s mouth is messed up. Her lips are pursed and her mouth is open. This is the only visual error that I have ever found in your work.
On 283, the green and red guard swap places when their heads are bashed together, first, the green one is between the reader and the red one, and then in pannel 2, they swap around, making the green one further away, and the read one closer. Don’t try and understand that, just look at the page 😉
290, pannel 2, something looks very weird about Felicity’s upper lip.
292, the necklace is floating above alex’s neck in pannel 4.
307, If he backhanded the birdcage in the last pannel, shouldn’t be on the other side of the pannel?
347 & 378 Dragon.. (I’m terrible with names) flies over Felicity and Alex, yet a short time later, (presumably) in a straight line from where they are, they pass Nastajia and Paddington, who hadn’t seen, or heard the pissed off dragon.
Oh yeah, Nicodemus’ (I remembered the name :D) wings change in transluciency, if there is such a word. They get easier and harder to see thorugh, fairly randomly. They are particulaly seethrough in 360, and particulaly opaque, even when spread, in 367
389, in the first pannel, the speech bubble looks like it’s coming from Nastajia, not the Mer-King.
396, pannel one, Kiwi looks like she’s in Nastajia’s hand
So yeah, feel free to ignore any/all of these comments! I just picked just about everything that I could find that wasn’t quite right with the comic. You’ve deffinitley got a lot less errors than some webcomics I’ve read.
-JB-
Hey!!! Chapter 5 starts on my birthday. Wohoo!! Anyway, I suck at editing so you better listen to them. Felicity’s lip does look weird on page 290 in panel 2. :-/
It says…”for a good time, call Ariel at…”
288 – This is a common mistake. In panel four, it says “Nicodemus’ eyes.” It should say “Nicodemus’s eyes.” You have to use apostrophe + s to all singular nouns, even if they end in s. The only time you use just an apostrophe is when the noun is both plural and ends in s.
Here’s a site so you know I’m not making this up ;):
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/grammar/g_apost.html
..btw, love the comic!
297 – last panel: Nicodemus’ should be Nicodemus’s
342 – grammatically, the first panel should be ‘quickly’ not ‘quick’ and the last panel should be ‘this _had_ better work’ instead of ‘this better work’…. but changing this isn’t that much of a problem because people naturally speak incorrectly like this, and Alex is no exception. 😛
361 – After JB mentioned it above, I noticed that Nicodemus’s wings were ridiculously see-through on this page and not so much in other pages. However, I never noticed this problem with his wings the first time I read the comic, so it might not be too much of a problem.
Hm… well, just responding to the posts, really
“290, pannel 2, something looks very weird about Felicity’s upper lip.”— that’s not an upper lip, it’s the insie of her mouth.
Some of these grammar points are fair, but others are picky. It’s perfectly fine to say “quick” instead of “quickly” and that sort of thing when it’s dialect because nobody speaks with perfect grammar. It makes it a bit more realistic.
About the Nicodemus’ or Nicodemus’s thing. I’ve been taught since way back in 6th grade that if a name ends in s, you can use just a ‘ instead of ‘s. At least, that’s what my teachers have always taught me, and it’s been in my textbooks. ::shrugs::
Personally, if it’s a name that ends in s, I just use the apostrophe alone.
From wikihow.com:
“Place an apostrophe after the “s” when you are indicating a singular possessive for a person’s name that ends with the letter “s” if the name is more than one syllable. For example, one can refer to a bike that belongs to Charles as “Charles’ bike.” ”
Basically, either form is acceptable, so do as you like. 😉
I’m going to go crazy and add a comma where I think it’s needed. I love my commas. Sorry if I go crazy. Everyone else can correct me when I mess up. You can probably ignore most of that, anyway. I miss a lot of commas, too. I will also probably repeat what a few other people have already mentioned.
Page 269, panel 4: A comma should be placed after “Yeah”.
Page 270, panel 2: “Well” probably could precede a comma.
Page 277, panel 1: There should be a comma after “Well”.
Page 278, panel 4: Same thing. Comma! Yay!
282, panel 1: “Fourty” should only be “Forty”.
238, panels 1 and 2: It definitely does look like two of the guards were switched by mistake. They might’ve done this on their own, but it would take a lot of speed for that to happen.
286, panel 3: Comma after “Thanks”.
287, panel 4: Comma after “Right”.
288, panel 6: Well, you know what to do. Yeah, I should probably go easy on the commas. I am now beyond annoying.
290, panel 2: We all noticed the mouth thing. It does look odd. Felicity’s tongue is purple, which might be fine, but the inside of her mouth looks too dark.
292, panels 2 and 5: Alex’s skin is peeking out of his boxers. He’s perfectly free of wardrobe malfunctions (to the best of my knowledge) on the following page.
292, panel 2: Alex’s necklace is floating.
292, panel 4: The sword on the necklace is defying gravity (while he’s still sitting on the bed, not falling). It’s pointing downward elsewhere, when there is no motion.
311, panel 1: “All right” hould be two words.
312: Did that little purse turn into a big satchel? That’s convenient. Alex wouldn’t want to be caught carrying a lady’s handbag, but, obviously, Nicodemus doesn’t mind keeping one.
314: Gasp! You might actually have an extra comma. Is that possible? It’s between “floaty” and “thing”.
Okay, that was chapter five. Ignore the next part if you are sick of my commas and me.
Other pages which I think need commas somewhere (but most are probably just because I’m completely insane and comma-crazy): 290, 291, 292, 293, 296, 297, 298, 300, 306, 309, 312, 315, and 316.
I’ll finish bothering everyone tomorrow, sorry.
Thank you all. These are great!
I’m going through everything…keep it up.
And thanks again.
On page 316, Alex and Nastashija can look over the balustrade of the balcony, but at the beginning of page 317, it’s higher than their heads, only to switch back to only reaching to their waists in the last two panels of that page.
On page 358, Nastashija’s bow seems to be gone from her shoulder and nowhere else to be seen. It’s back on the next page.
In page 361, last panel, Nastashija’s bow has a strange corner that doesn’t connect to anywhere on her, so can’t be explained by that (I guess it just has to be adjusted to connect).
In page 364, Nastashija’s bowstring has two ugly corners that cannot properly be explained with contact to her, as they are just floating in the air, basically. Especially the lower one.
On page 377-381, her bow is gone entirely, only to miraculously reappear at the end of page 382.
On page 389, the speech bubble saying “Horatio” looks like it is said by Nastashija, but I think it was supposed to be the Merking saying it.
Starting with page 393 on the third panel, the odd corner in her bowstring is back, probably just not being correctly aligned with her clothing. This goes on till the current page, so you might want to check further pages too.
I hope this was helpful.
– 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
Gah! Wy doesn’t my comment show up?
– 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁
*sigh*. Basically I pointed out where Nastashija’s bow shows strange corners in the bowstring, with them not connecting anywhere to her. I guess you’ll have to rearrange that a little. It starts with page 361, and page 364 even has two of those freak corners in the bowstring – that page has it *very* obvious. The bottom one is the most illogical, the top one just has to be arranged.
Also, just before they jump out of the treasury of King Nicodemus, there’s some irregularity with the balustrade of the balcony. One moment they can easily look over it on page 316, but on page 317, it is higher than their heads, only to be only up to Alex’s waist in the last two panels of that same page.
On page 378-381, Nastashija’s bow is gone. It reappears at the end of page 382.
On page 389, the speech bubble saying “Horatio”, looks like it is said by Nastashija, but I think it is supposed to be said by the Merking.
On page 393, panel three, there’s a corner in the bowstring again, floting just below Nastashija’s bowstring. Also, the bowstring is phasing through her arm in that panel. After that page, there’s a corner in the bowstring that doesn’t line up with her clothing and armor properly in many shots up to the current page, and possibly also in future pages.
I hope this was helpful.
– 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
*sigh*. Basically I pointed out where Nastashija’s bow shows strange corners in the bowstring, with them not connecting anywhere to her. I guess you’ll have to rearrange that a little. It starts with page 361, and page 364 even has two of those freak corners in the bowstring – that page has it *very* obvious. The bottom one is the most illogical, the top one just has to be arranged.
Also, just before they jump out of the treasury of King Nicodemus, there’s some irregularity with the balustrade of the balcony. One moment they can easily look over it on page 316, but on page 317, it is higher than their heads, only to be only up to Alex’s waist in the last two panels of that same page.
On page 378-381, Nastashija’s bow is gone. It reappears at the end of page 382.
On page 389, the speech bubble saying “Horatio”, looks like it is said by Nastashija, but I think it is supposed to be said by the Merking.
On page 393, panel three, there’s a corner in the bowstring again, floting just below Nastashija’s bowstring. Also, the bowstring is phasing through her arm in that panel. After that page, there’s a corner in the bowstring that doesn’t line up with her clothing and armor properly in many shots up to the current page, and possibly also in future pages.
I hope this was helpful.
– 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
P.s.: I hope this comment posts now.
Fwizzie– Yay! Good to know I’m not the only comma crazy person around XD
I’m going to try to leave out any comments already mentioned under this topic, as far as I can remember them. Here’s chapter six:
330, panel 2: Nicole’s speech is confusing. Commas might break it up, but I don’t mind very much.
348, panel 1: “All right” should be two words. As much as I dislike “alright”, it can still be used as slang, so this is up to your discretion.
367: As Alex is dropping, his right eye is crossed, while his left eye is where it should be. It looks silly.
379: Not a mistake, as far as I know… I like the lighting effect on the shell. It was yellow and orange above the water, but now it’s purple and blue.
379, panel 4: “Each other” is definitely two words. “Waterfront” is better as one word.
388, panel 2: “Cats” shouldn’t have an apostrophe.
389, panel 4: “Its” also shouldn’t have an apostrophe. I like apostrophes more than commas, but it’s not as easy to make mistakes with apostrophes. Besides, you’re doing quite well, especially in comparison to other webcomics. Yikes! They scare me.
395, panel 5: Although apostrophes are used to show possession, they never are when the word is “its”. Aww, three apostrophe mistakes in a row. That’s still a low number for a webcomic. Really low.
Commas would make me happy:
321, 324, 326, 329, 334, 335, 336, 347, 348, 349, 350, 351, 361, 362, 363, 364, 366, 378, 381, 383, 385, 386, 387, 389, 390, 391, 392, 393, 399, and 403.
Scott… I think you opened the pandoras box…
I have noticed several times (the strip posted on Fri, May 18 being the latest example) typos of it’s and its. Remember that it’s is the contracted form of it is. Its is the possessive form. The easy way to check this is to read the its as it is as you read the sentence. If you can substitute it is, you need the apostrophe. If you can’t, you don’t.
So, for instance, you would write: “It’s hard for me to read the writing. It’s so old that its vocabulary is unfamiliar to me.”
Does that make sense? I’d suggest doing a general search through the text looking for instance of its and it’s and checking to make sure they are correct.
An ineltligent point of view, well expressed! Thanks!
Yo, that’s what’s up truthfully.